Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
