just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
