Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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