I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
