the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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