ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
