last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
