i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
