FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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