How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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