my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
