Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I did not marry a roomba.
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