I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
FUCK WHALES
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
