I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
