I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
