I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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