Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
