Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
