It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
