I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
