Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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