hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
