why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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