he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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