You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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