pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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