Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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