Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
