He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He felt like a one man threesome
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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