I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
