did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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