I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Randomize
