nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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