I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
