Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
