I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
