my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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