So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
