just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
