I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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