Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
