that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
