You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
