did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
