i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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