I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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