Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm both gender and math confused
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
