one might say we're banned from that church
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Pants are for mortals
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
