I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
