508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I party with great urgency now.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
