idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dicks are not precious.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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