So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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