There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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