don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
