JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
